Best place to emo

After 2 months, here is still the best place to emo,
haha,
 Somewhere in my heart eager for her sudden intention to visit this place. But dont think it will happen. Anyway, no worries, it is just a sudden rush to write, to release my rambling thoughts and throw it away the very next day.

I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had. 
From Wonder Years TV series 
 
All that said,it hurts.
It felt like my soul was sucked out slowly from my heart.
The heart feel empty, but heavy at the same time.
It is like there is a solid spheric energy resides in my heart, My mind sense that there is something. But there is no clump or any tumor to be found.
The heavy weight, paradoxical it may seems, it felt like is not in my heart, but inside my heart.

Each breathe taken adds to the weight to that sphere but every attempt to roar out the burden adds to the burden.
Even the glucose in my body taste sour. Maybe because the pheromones, testaterons was stress by this unexistent weight.
I am dying inside , yet I am healthy on the outside.
It is killing me, yet I do not understand how that spherical weight is doing that.

Now as I walk into my apartment balcony, I look into the moon.
I saw the broken strings on my bag. There was a saying "At the touch of love, everyone is poet"
but today, I guess my poetic sense came from endless conflict of love and hate.