blog 的改变

这个地方不知不觉已经存在四年了

回首这些年写的东西，
突然发现，
原来这个日记随着我的成长也有很大的改变。

本来， 这个地方纯粹是想引人注意， 然后我就一步一步踏入明星圈
后来呢， 它渐渐的成为我的摄影日记，
 而且它也算是个老地方， 让我在大学时期发泄的好地方
那些堵拦过的事，每一个都会在这里看到，
就这样， 这个地方慢慢的热闹起来，
有的， 为了看我写的冷笑话
有些， 为了看我拍的照片，
有的， 就想鸡婆我骂谁，

后来， 我毕业了，
有灵感的时候， 也没什么来这里逗留，
或许， 是因为我要逃避我的责任吧？
就这样，
它逐渐冷清了，

我有尝试过，还答应过，
我会常常回来，
只不过， 这个承诺没有实现到，

现在回来了
不过， 我不是为了要成名
而是， 这是我的地方，
唯一可以做我自己的地方，
心情差， 可以来这里emo
至少， 我不用带面具来这里
至少， emo 也没什么人知道，
至少， 我是为我自己而来，
在这里转一圈，
心情也好了



这里， 就是文二的老地方。

boon

晴晴的雨天

艳遇我又出发了, 坐在火车去kl

每一次的火车之旅都有非一般的灵感。

不知为什么,我坐火车一定有艳遇。不是有美女坐我身边,就是我和周围的女孩有小插曲。

不过这次, 是看到我老爸的车离去的一刻。那一辆装着满头白发的红色烂臭废铁10年pR0T0N英雄车。

5点55 分。记得阳光很刺眼,同时还下大雨! 不知为什么那时是看到他离开最有感触的时候。 可能是因为我后悔为什么没和他吃晚饭吧!

Boh huat。在火车的时候肚子饿了,还要挨两个小时。

虽然如此,真正影响我的心情是因为我爸今王吃的,是一人晚餐饭 。

如果这个时候他知道我的肚孑在呱呱叫

我可以坦保他骂的话十不离九都是

做人要Plan at leaSt three step ahead, 不能想到才做那种话...etc

哈哈,可能给他骂惯了,离开怡保没多久又想给 他骂。

其实回头想一想,孝顺父母

问心那一句,孝母我可以说我目前有做到,顺父呢?我好像没做到,可能男人之间说不出那些肉麻话吧! 说真我也不知道我对我末来儿子有什么期望.
只要不送我去老人院既可 。可能我老爸也是这样想吧!

这次,那辆红色英雄放下我后,就这样走了

或许,他已经习惯这种短暂的分离

或许,他知道他的儿子需要闯一片天地,

或许,他比谁都清楚天下无不散的宴席这个道理吧!

或许,我老爸是真的那么潇洒。

我爸,今天又吃一人晚餐。

在火车里的我突然发现,

下次就算自己不饿也要尽量让我的家人少吃一人晚餐

写完这一章, 我的刚刚恰好到tanjung malim ,

唉! 

文二

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Honestly , this is really a good place to emo.

It has been so long since I became single.
I guess, it is good time for me to be single.
I started to gym, I going to have a nephew.
This is a sign , to start my metamorphosis.
To be someone who can hold burden of the whole family,
as someone who appreciate life.
It is process, very long process.

It is a suprise that part of my life still revolves around her.
Cant believe I still longing for her name to appear whenever my phone rings..
It good to know she moved on.
If you ask me,  why bother checking her life ?
She not your anyone anymore, nor she needs your attention.
I would say, I care,
because I once love with all my heart, and it takes time to take it back.

At least, she will be happier when I am not in her life.
I not very sure about that statement, but I just go with it,
This is what she want me to believe anyway.
or is it I want to think that way ?
Nah, don't want to think about it,
We are meant to be if we really are meant to be.

Now, I need to take care of myself first, before I can love anyone.
There are so many place that need my attention,
my parents, my cousins, my health, my body , my career, my car, my camera and my nephew.
I dont think I have space for a girl now.

PS: Can anyone think of a name for my nephew ? Prefer universal name.

Boon

Best place to emo

After 2 months, here is still the best place to emo,
haha,
 Somewhere in my heart eager for her sudden intention to visit this place. But dont think it will happen. Anyway, no worries, it is just a sudden rush to write, to release my rambling thoughts and throw it away the very next day.

I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had. 
From Wonder Years TV series 
 
All that said,it hurts.
It felt like my soul was sucked out slowly from my heart.
The heart feel empty, but heavy at the same time.
It is like there is a solid spheric energy resides in my heart, My mind sense that there is something. But there is no clump or any tumor to be found.
The heavy weight, paradoxical it may seems, it felt like is not in my heart, but inside my heart.

Each breathe taken adds to the weight to that sphere but every attempt to roar out the burden adds to the burden.
Even the glucose in my body taste sour. Maybe because the pheromones, testaterons was stress by this unexistent weight.
I am dying inside , yet I am healthy on the outside.
It is killing me, yet I do not understand how that spherical weight is doing that.

Now as I walk into my apartment balcony, I look into the moon.
I saw the broken strings on my bag. There was a saying "At the touch of love, everyone is poet"
but today, I guess my poetic sense came from endless conflict of love and hate.





 

Sign

Is this a sign ?

No idea what happen to my wallet, it has a big hole now, and your pic has left me through the hole,
the rice , it suddenly putus from my bag,
and my pen, also suddenly putus ink, lucky got refill, if not really cannot use di,
all those thing i hold dear, all went haywire in these few days, 
it hurts , really hurts, nothing can hurt more than seeing my dearest item become a piece of junk.....

the memories slowly fading, our things went broken
my desire getting tamer,  is it a sign?


boon ,

I dont understand girls,

I dont understand you,
I dont understand
you wan talk to me so that you can hurt me ？
or you just wan to make me feel bad ?
or you really just want to talk to me ?

one side hot, another side cold,
even steel can be bend this way,
not to mention i am just human,
and my heart is not made out of steel,

boon,
now i really want to look for open relationship,
i know is wrong, but the intention is there...

False Hope

Perhaps I should stop writing about you already,

I still miss you , but I dont want to give any false hope as well,
despite how much i feel strongly towards you,


Perhaps, I shouldnt do things for you from now on,
I shouldnt appear in your life anymore,
unless you asked me to,


Well, I still care bout you,
just that is best that I dont interfere with your life,
so, i guess is best that you take the initiative to ask me if you ever needed anything from me, 


boon
thought you might not read this,  but still, wanted to tell you :

No idea why you sick so long also haven recover,
just make sure you sleep before 12 everyday,

思念

Again , I have to assume you not reading my blog anymore,

I knew you will see my status in fb,
and I don't want to add salt to your wounds,
I don't want you to feel the pain when you see my name on your fb
so i write it here, i have no place to express myself other than here,


Time have passed, 
yet my memories flash one scene after another,
I still remember the first eye contact we have,
I still remember fantasizing you as my bride when I first see you smile,
I still remember how much happier I became after hearing your voice,
I still remember how you don't respond to me when I asked you to be my gf, 
I miss the taste of your grape vitagen,
I miss the scent of your hair,
I miss your eyes,
I miss how big your reaction when I touched you...
I miss the moment you ask for my hug before you sleep
I really miss you,

How much I hope I can see you,feel you,
I wanted to hug you as tight as possible
I wanted to kiss you as long as possible,

and dot dot dot etc etc etc

I miss you , I want  see you ,
I want ....... you ,

but i know i have to go through all this,
slowly letting go my desire on you ,
 Why I am always fighting with myself,
Missing you, while trying to let go  ?


boon,
I should exercise more, must make myself tired at night
if not i just keep on missing you,

move on

I have strong gut feeling that you have move on ,  
I should move on as well,

 let stay strong and move on together,

有缘再见，
我会照顾好女儿 的，

boon
I have to start assuming you wont be reading my post anymore,

I have done my part

I have done my part,

you might hate me,
but at least i tell you my reasons,
I already knew that you will react this way,
no matter how much the reason doesn't make sense to you ,
no matter how much you think I am pointing fingers at you,
it is really the reason why I suggest the breakup , and I being honest about it,
I really don't feel I am in your world,

You might think that I pointing fingers at you, 
It is really not this way,
I am not blaming you, 
Honestly, at this stage of our relationship, 
There is no point in blaming who is at fault,
I admit I make mistakes,
I admit I didn't rise up to some of your expectations,
I admit all that you said,
and I am sorry for whatever thing I said or done that hurts you 

I not blaming you for what have you done,
It just that this relationship doesn't work out anymore,
And all I wanted is just to let you know why,

I can be a jerk and let you cry everyday
and I am aware you will react this way after I tell you this,
yet, I still did what I did,
because I know how much it hurts you when there is no answer for you,
because I cared for your feelings, 


I love you,
I loved you since the first time I see you,
the eyes you have, the smile in your face,
If I can take a photograph of you , it will be very angelic, 
I still do remember all these, and I still see the same thing in you,
I loved you just the way you are,
I treasure everything we did,
and everything you done or said to me, 
I remember all the expression you gave, 
I hold dear to all your gifts, 
and it turns into a habit when I go shopping that I look for the right bag for your convo,
I treasure every memories we used to have,
and my heart really wished that you are my wife,
so many times, I want to bring you to register with me,
the urge is there even to this date,
but this relationship is really not working out anymore,

I understand how much it hurts you, 
but it is all intended to end it peacefully, with good closure....
Because I still care about you
Because I still worry about you ,
because I really don't want you to hate guys in the future,
because I really don't want you to miss your mr.right
Because I know, I am not your Mr.right, 

It is not your fault, it is ours ,

If you still think I am a jerk, I am sorry
but I meant whatever things I said in this relationship,
and it still applies now,

we started out as strangers ,
but i really don't want we become strangers, again.....
and it hurts knowing that we will be strangers again,

Things really not working out anymore, I am sorry,


boon
gal, it is obvious that this post is meant for you, 

做不到绝情，

我是怎样的人, 我很清楚, 相信你也知道,
绝情根本不在我的字典里,

我应该给个交代．
或许, 这样你会过的好一点,
或许，你不会流那么多泪，




林
我虽不算是一个好男人，
但是我至少有良心，　

最陌生的熟悉人

一个习惯, 却在不同的情况
带来不同的结局,
一封寄错的信息,通常换来甜蜜的提醒,
此刻, 只有生疏的回复,
一个面子书页,通常看到可爱的言语,
此刻,只看到不稳的哀怒,

心痛又怎样,心酸又如何,
我理智明白,我们没未来,
情感还在,却 不能不放开,

我累了,
不想每次都是我找你才可以得到你信息,
不想每次都是我说了才听到你的我爱你,
不想每次看你面子书才有我们共谈话题,
不想再争取了,
不想让自己变得没自尊, 
不想被这些疼爱被当成理所当然了

林
承认着, 我还关心她,
因为我还爱她,
不过, 我不能继续迁就,不能视委屈为虚无, 

林啊林啊，不是说明要过的好吗?
但是，
为何今晚真的好心痛？

最熟悉的陌生人

伤心的歌, 唱了又唱,
却唱不出我的悲伤,
她的信息,删了又删
却删不出对她的情感,
她送的笔, 写了又写,
却写不出完美的句号,
曾经是最亲密的人,
现在很奇妙的, 成为最熟悉的陌生人

两人的感情是建立在互相相爱的基础上,
不过, 就算双方对彼此有感情,
也未必能有情人终成卷属,
因为, 我们不属于彼此的世界,




我,单身了,
不过, 我不后悔,
因为, 我爱过

有人说,爱恨之间只差一线,
我现在就在线上,

林

Phew,

Never in my life that I pump so many steroid caffeine to my blood in one night, and now I pumping another one...
ZOMG, sure got extra pimples, I will definitely get scolding from my mom when she see my face....


If there are people who work well under stress,  I am definitely not in that list,

Now, I am resting for the next Big assignment,
I want to do it at home, but too bad, this assignment must use Mac computer to do........so I wait untill ....730 and depart to uni ....
wish me luck.... I really need it today ......

How Long I have been Sleepless : approaching 30 hours..... I think ....

Boon
It quarter after one, and I am all alone thinking about assignments......lol...

Stressed

Never in my life I am facing with such tremendous stress,

Two major assignment, only one night left to finish ,

Looks like there is no excuse for not buying Mac computer...

Wish me luck ,

Boonboon2k2
I am so stressed out that I am lazy to centralize my words....

Hp pic of the day...

Since I saw somebody mention me in his blog, 

His blog is regarding about taking picture with SLR,

and recently I got too many people boasting with SLR in my life, 

and their photo sucks.....

so this is payback.....

So , since I got no SLR , 

I use handphone instead. 

I got no setting to play with, 

so have to rely on the stupidity of a phone cam

and composition to make it nice

And this is two head and a hand...dun think too much....

 

cant even control focus in handphone...sad..

but i like this...^^ 

Thanks yu for inspire me to make a post...

boonboon2k2

I still can win other SLR user without using SLR

I so sorry

 I'm so sorry,

I dont know why,

I had this feeling that we are heading to sunsets

to our journey ,

if parting is the ending of everything,

then before i reach the ending,

I hope I can treat you better ,

but of course, I dont wish to have any ending

in the first place..

The only ending I want is an happy ending just like fairy tales,

the prince may kiss the bride, and live "happily ever after"

I am so sorry that my love reach you later than it should,

I am so sorry , that I hurt you more than I should,

I am so sorry about the fact that I realize I need you when it is too late...

boonboon2k2

I think this is consequences of me being  犯贱

I'm sorry,

not sleeping coz i hate to dream,

Am I depressed ?

Well, I not sure now

I had the same dream over and over again,

and I hate that dream,

It is cocktails of guilt and anger,

I had to force myself to be so tired ...

and try to sleep,

Looks like I finally understand what it is like to be

insomia,

boonboon2k2

I hate this ,....

Suprised

I found a very surprising fact,

In the end , I visit and update this blog ,

when I emo ,

All the while I thought that this place will be my safehouse,

where i can share my view on life,

share my joy,

pointing out all the weird facts

or useless thing that I know ,

at least, to convince myself I am a happy guy.

because being happy is something easy,

That What I Thought

but in the end ,

I'm no different from the depressed people out there ,

Look like I'm not as happy as everybody thought I am after all ,

Even I also suprised by what I have done just now ,

And how I was hurt

to have somebody accused my friend of something they are not ,

not once, but multiple times throughout my life, 

Adding the annoying bird chirpping every morning,

I think my 2012 is near,

Look like the purpose of this blog is not about readership anymore,

I think it is slowly turning a tool

to indoctrinate myself that

"I am alive"

boonboon2k2

nah, no comment this time

Sick (2)

Omg ,

1 week after my sem finish ,

I got flu twice,

Luckily my sem finish already

 If i sick anytime earlier,

I  confirm failed my 3rd sem already...haha

btw,

If anyone wonders why I did not upload any pictures

in my blog,

That is because I am "detached" from my camera,

is like my camera not listening to my command,

thus my picture doesnt come out with my desired "feel"

maybe is because I facing the downs of my life now gua...

anyway,

i just need to do some rambling to vent out my

frustrations.....

HOWEVER,

I promise I will come out with great, stunning pictures when I in HK

next next week ....

No worries, blog still alive as usual ....

even I in hk,

but you have to spare for reply my comment late la...

that is for now,

boonboon2k2

Had to personalize my blog more ...